but at that time, i didn't put, nobody talked about depression, nobody talked about bipolar illness or manic depression. so i didn't know what to do. so i did nothing. >> charlie: until? >> well i kept on that way up and down, up and down for another ten years and then i went flainlingly psychotic, i was hallucinating and delusional, manic spending a lot of money i didn't and have not wisely. and i, it was a medical emergency. so i was brought, you know, to care as it were. and i was very fortunate, i had terrific psychiatrist. she diagnosed what i had absolutely correctly immediately. and i responded very well to lithium. >> charlie: so the interesting thing is here you are in your field, one of those suffering. >> yes. there's nothing more motivating in life than merely dying from an illness which i did.